January 30th, 2023
Ó mar salgado, quanto do teu sal são lágrimas de Portugal!
Fernando Pessoa
Oh, salty sea, how much of your salt are tears of Portugal! - wrote one day, Fernando Pessoa, one of my favorite poets - Portuguese.
I was thinking of this sad and profound poem when I looked out the window of the plane leaving Edinburgh at 7:30 am on Sunday.
In Brazil, we studied this poet in depth, his poem - Portuguese Sea - and I remember how sad it seemed to me to imagine families saying goodbye to sailors who left for an adventure in the turbulent sea.
I also imagined the feeling of fear and deep determination that someone must create and carry within themselves to leave their loved ones on land and explore the unknown.
And that's not what I did? By packing my life into a small suitcase on wheels and making room for fears and anxieties but also new memories, I did, in my way, set out to navigate unknown seas.
I also left behind all the little I knew, my parents and siblings, to search for my dream life outside Brazil.
Since this decision, I have caught myself saying lots of goodbyes to places, faces, and things I can't carry along the way.
New languages, new cultures, foods, airs, and memories.
Also, a brief goodbye to Scotland and it's charming and dark alleys that Sunday.
I left like someone saying goodbye to a lover at the end of the day, already saddened by moving away from the object of his love.
It was passion at first sight to be among castles and royalty, moss green as king of color palettes full of brown, caramel, gold, and red.
The sweet Scottish brogue, the majestic houses, the heavy fur coats, and the beautiful, sad melody of the bagpipes.
Behind.
Now, a warm and fresh new day saying "Obrigado" instead of thank you, amid blue and white tiles, fado, codfish and wine, Marias, Josés, and Joãos, Oliveiras, and many fellow Brazilians.
Familiar, similar, and very much like a distant cousin, we met randomly at a new place.
Today I brought my own tears for this Portuguese sea - sadness and excitement - to wash my salty soul in Lisbon waters.
Por isso quando num dia de calor Me sinto triste de gozá-lo tanto, E me deito ao comprido na erva, E fecho os olhos quentes, Sinto todo o meu corpo deitado na realidade, Sei a verdade e sou feliz.
Beautiful 🙂